loud noises

 The loud noises don't stop. How tiring that may be for him, for all of them. I can't help but feel sorry for those that have less than me. Mentally, not physically nor monetary. I tend to melt when i see an old couple walking together or when i look at my parents struggling to do every day things. I cant help that will be me one day, with no one look after me with nothing to look forward too. What I am doing today. As I sit in this cafe, tearsdrip down my face to be caught by my rough beard typing on a laptop that belongs to the man, working for one of the largest comanies in the country yet i still find my self asking "who am i" what am i doing here" why am i here".

Is there a reason i cry when i see someoe else struggle? All i have been seeing is struggle, my whole life. From my own reflection to my own country, to my own people to those around me that i dont even know.

How much longer can i keep this up for. I think I am finally realising my issue. The issue is that i put up a facade to ensure the fake me is projected to the world. I hide away my real feelings, my real pain. I think there is a reason my favourite colour is black.

I miss those days so much. I miss my dogs, I miss my house. I miss everything that I had. I know I will have it again but I had it once and there was no reason for me to loose it all. Its been two years since then. I am not healed. I am far from healed. Do I have to pretend to be healed to make others happy. What is this power I posses. When I am upset the whole world around me is.

I am tired.