I am still trying to make it grow. I never know when it will all be gone. What has changed? I have changed. Not mentally but physically. She has stripped me bare. She has taken my flesh, my brain, my soul, and everything else. Not my heart though, see that skeleton up there, that's me. I have kept my heart close, that's the only thing keeping me going, if she takes that, I die. So I will bury it and water it every day. I am just trying to make it grow.
Looking back nothing has changed, she still has the same mindset, same attitude and, same anger. She says it's me, I say it's her. So who is it? The circle comes around in full, when I look at photos of years past the comments and the words are still the same. There is no control nor is there any respect.
Should I write her a song, would she even care? She has the same personality as the woman who..... well you know who but no matter what I do or achieve she won't be happy, she doesn't know what happiness is, do I blame her? do I blame her past? why not just get the fuck over it and see what is right in front of you.
If seeing a father and daughter be happy makes you sad because your father was never there for you then won't that also be the case when you become happy now you will start to think about the trauma you had growing up about how you were never happy hence why you cannot show happiness or don't know how to be happy?
ahhhh fuck I'm rambling again, or am I? fuck it let's rhyme, I think it's time.
I don't know how I feel
I can't tell if it's fake or real
you don't know what's the deal
it rains so much outside
it feels like tears on my window seal
What is luck
is it not what we make it
or am I just star-struck?
wait fuck.
I was struck
and now
I'm just stuck
inside my own walls
that I built
for when I run
out of luck
fuck this it sucks
no music
no creativity
just downright slavery
I see it
they see it
you don't
and you know what
you won't
cause what they wrote
is not what you note
down
no matter what who when where
I wouldn't dare
I would die for you
kill for you
move mountains for you
but next day move ounces
do whatever it takes to make
some ounces, to get paid
don't even get laid
the way I want to
the way we need to
but who knows what
cause at the end of all this
you and I will be nothing but
dust and shit.
how many times do I tell you to let it go
how many times do I tell you to free your mind
free your soul
how many
will you ever let it go
will you ever become me
D R K N Y T
but wait that's my problem
remember
trying so hard to make everyone
around me
like me
but I guess
I have my own way
of changing this world
trying to not make it so cold
tell me what would happen
if your wishes came true
would you turn blue
would you become you?
I tell you to make it right
before you sleep
before you eat
cause every second that leaves
is a second that you might grieve
what you gonna do when you can't sleep
what you gonna do when you cant eat
what you gonna do when I am not there
to rub your feet
to watch you eat
to help you fall asleep
let it go
cause it has never left
you just have to change
take it out of low range
learn how to shift
learn how to drive stick
fuck it ill go there
go where
go here and there
listen we ain't shit
going to make sure this
doesn't miss
It's a rhyme, not a diss
not everything is an attack
you see that's what you lack
when others write music
those listening realise
that the song its self isn't a hit
but its a bottle holding a message
remember when shit hits hard
when shit I say make you feel scared
just know
that it hurts me more to say it
then the pain you feel
ahhh lost it towards the end
but this is all I have got for now.
nothings changed and nothing ever will.
time heals all wounds
but the wounds don't tell the time
it took to get where i am now its time
for the hook.
ibzzie xx
